Shades of Life, 7 - A Passage, for a while..

On our normal day to day lives, when we move across from a place to another, a point to another, or might jus a thought to another, we need passages to travel through.

Passages on visualization are like bridges, canals and tunnels in our normal course of life which helps us to go across from one point to another but has no roles, besides that to play. In the same way that we have Passages as bridges on the road, we have those passages as People in our lives.

Passages in human lives are those people, and their emotions, which comes to support us, to give us their hand, or to show us the path to cross those troughs of our lives. Those are the vitals without whom it’s hard at that moment to survive, but the same people become the loose ends with time.

We never find the need to tie those loose ends, what we always find is the urge to shed them, especially when we are the traveler. But we should not forget, we will not always be in the same role. Today you might be the traveler, someday you will be the bridge.

While travelling, when we have a river to cross; we slow down, get onto the bridge, enjoy our time there walking and strolling, but the moment we are on the other side of it; we have crossed the bridge, we sped across, and never look back. The same way the life moves on, when people are those passages.

Those passages get hurt. Its normal Human Nature, for when we allow them to use us, we never consider that they will ever leave.

Sometimes we are the bullet, and sometimes the Grey Matter on the wall. Any role, the traveler or the bridge, that we play, we are not realistic-materialistic like a bridge without any vulnerability or Pain, but we are emotional fools, the Pain Absorbers. Just understand and don't overplay the role you are in today.

Someday you are the Pigeon and someday the statue.


But there is a lesson in every move whether you want to learn it or not. Any passages that you see or came across, departs are usual and painful, but creates barb-wires. Any of the two roles, either the rower or the Canal, that you are in, pain is equal, and grudge is heavy; anger is beyond control, and understanding seems missing.

If you come across one of those, always remember that nothing’s ever built to last. All good things come to an end.

And life always moves on..

Conscious - Unconscious

The part of the mind which gives rise to a collection of mental phenomena that manifest in a person’s mind but which the person is not aware of at the time of their occurrence is known as the unconscious mind, says Sigmund Freud who first studied it. To a layman, it is nothing but something which makes you do things which you can’t define.

Why do we like certain things and why do we dislike certain others, can we really define? Why at times, just when you have met a person, without even knowing him, you have a feeling of like or dislike.

Some of the most inner desires are kept in our unconscious minds, some of our fears which do not exist in conscious minds but which makes us feel weak or really scared without really making us know the reason, is nothing but our subconscious mind.

Say, you have just started a new relationship with a woman he met at school. While talking to her one afternoon, he accidentally calls her by his ex-girlfriend’s name.

How would you explain this mistake? Many of us might blame the slip on distraction or describe it as a simple accident. However, a psychoanalytic theorist might tell you that this is much more than a random accident. The psychoanalytic view holds that there are inner forces outside of your awareness that are directing your behavior. For example, a psychoanalyst might say that you misspoke due to unresolved feelings for his ex or perhaps because of misgivings about his new relationship.

The founder of psychoanalytic theory was Sigmund Freud. While his theories were considered shocking at the time and continue to create debate and controversy, his work had a profound influence on a number of disciplines, including psychology, sociology, anthropology, literature, and art.

According to Freud, the mind can be divided into two main parts:

1.The conscious mind includes everything that we are aware of. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about rationally. A part of this includes our memory, which is not always part of consciousness but can be retrieved easily at any time and brought into our awareness. Freud called this ordinary memory the preconscious.

2.The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that outside of our conscious awareness. Most of the contents of the unconscious are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict. According to Freud, the unconscious continues to influence our behavior and experience, even though we are unaware of these underlying influences.

There are only a certain things you can define in your lives, and rest all goes undefined. Those undefined are a part of pure unconscious mind. Somethings which makes you inseparable from it.

I wonder, and dream

The night comes and I start to think.
I wonder, and dream.
I see my life, I see my errors
I see my hatred, I see myself.

The Darkness brings sadness,
It brings despair. I see no point.
I think about the things I wish I'd done.
I think how my life could have been.

Summertime Rocks - Smoke and Kailash Kher – Smoke) - Lyrics

Lyrics of one of the most famous songs of Kailash Kher these days..
and One of my Favourites ;-)..


Song: Summertime rocks
Album: Smoke Signals
Band: Smoke and Kailash Kher


"Har pal jaata hai zindagi se,
kyun naa jee lein khushi se , oh o oh..!!

Rishta hai mera bandagi se,
kehta hun har kisi se.e..ee.e, toh sunoh

Its summertime and rise,
Its summetime and rolls..

Kisne hai jaana kal kya hoga zindagani mein
Kya kya judega pal jo beeta is kahani mein

Dil ki sunta hoon, khush rehta hoon
Man hi man yeh kehta hoon, Toh sunoh

Its summertime and rise,
Its summertime and rolls

A morning dance, because its the summertime
I’ll take my chance, because the world is all mine
I need romance, on the sunny stroke

Its summertime and rocks
Its summertime and rolls

........Enjoyable music.....

We got a good thing going, just take it from me,
Lets stretch this moment, to infinity,
Without any grand plans, without any goals….

Because,
Its summertime, and rocks
Its summetime, and rolls

Kisko bataoon mere dil mein kya kya hota hain,
Mein jhoomo gaawoon gham se tho mera samjautha hain

Because,
Its summertime, and rise
Its summertime, and rolls

A morning dance, because its the summertime
I’ll take my chance, because the world is all mine
I need romance, on the sunny stroke
Because,
Its summertime and rocks
Its summertime and rolls

Will you take a little trip through peasely pots and traffic lights that glow
An winters wonderland with sand instead of snow
This little playground is a doctor for my soul

Because,
Its summertime and rocks
Its summertime and rolls

A morning dance, because its the summertime
I’ll take my chance, because the world is all mine
I need romance, on the sunny stroke


Because,
Its summertime and rocks
Its summertime and rolls


A morning dance, because it is the summertime
I’ll take my chance, because the world is all mine
I need romance, on the sunny stroke

Yeh joh lamhe pyar ke hain,
yehi zindagi hamari
Isme joh pyar miley bas,
yahi zindagi hai hamari..

Yeh joh lamhe pyar ke hain,
yehi zindagi hamari
Isme joh pyar miley bas,
yahi zindagi hai hamari..

Yeh joh lamhe pyar ke hain,
yehi zindagi hamari
Isme joh pyar miley bas,
yahi zindagi hai hamari..

Shades of Life (Fifth Color)

When I come to think about the recent happenings around, not just here, rather in the whole world, many questions arose, finding the answers to which is really not an easy task. Leave alone the search for answers about the world, most of us tend to undermine the questions of our own life and really unable to find even a clue to most of them.

One such question, or for that matter, the one that comes to most of us at some or the other point in our lives is “Instability”. This Instability pertains to many aspects of life, be it, social, professional, personal or any other.

If one really works his ass off in search to find out the real reason behind such or any other instability one faces, they would get confusion and nothing else, in return.

Taking an example of relational instability; how many times you have come to know about a hint of something going on in someone’s life, close to you. Your mind starts wandering; looking for the myriad possibilities, but ends up getting confused and instability in the relation arise.

But looking at it, one reason that we get to know is the absence/lack of information. Yes, most of us will agree that the strongest reason for the instability of human in various facets of their lives is the absence/lack of information. When we really are unable to understand what is happening around and decoding it to a single aspect, seems impossible which leads to instability and confusion happens.

Now this is not where the story ends. Confusion still continues, as only the lack of information doesn’t cause this instability, rather there are other aspects which lead to it.

How many times did it happen with you that you have gone for shopping and you have liked something in the first look, but didn’t buy, to look for something else, something better and then end up buying nothing at all? What do you think did cause that instability, on the thing that you liked at first? Any clues?

Even a small amount of analytical analysis will tell you, that the availability of excess information also causes this instability. For more and more things that you come to know, it again leads to a point where your mind is unable to solve the web thus formed, and enters a state of instability.

So an instability and confusion is caused both by the absence/lack and excess of information.

Now my next question is; what is the right amount of information which must be provided for the proper understanding of the other being and for it to behave in a desired manner. This answer is again a subjective and leading to it is a no path that one could yet find out. And there really exists nothing more than a thin line between the lack and the excess of information, which when crossed becomes incomprehensible to the other person.

Standing at a cross road, I sometimes believe, why is there so much confusion and what do I really need to get pass through, and reach a state of Nirvana. I could find no answers but could find many things which let me forget the question.

Shades of Life (Fourth Color)

Facing an Alter-Ego




How do you really feel when, someone like you is standing just in front you? Does that give you a feeling of elation or instead of a depression? To reach up to such a decision so quickly I believe is not an easy task, and rather depends upon lot factors, including who you really are and what you really show yourself to be.

Before anything else, first question that comes to my mind is whether you are really able to judge the other person or not, or you are just entangled within the deception net that the other person has thrown. In case of such a possibility, the very first point of taking someone as your alter-ego falters.

Analysis of the alter-ego comes at a stage quite after that, when the person in question has a real judgment power and an understanding of the other person is true to the best of his knowledge. Then and there, two major calculations that came into being are of elation or of depression. The two depends on the very simple fact that how much you love and believe in yourself, an absence of which is going to create a complete incoherence and hence the feeling of depression. It also clears out the fact that if you don’t consider your own deeds to be right, and your own shortcomings push you down, then nothing in this world is going to make you love your alter-ego, and a feeling of elation of finding one is impossible.


But if you believe in the part which is good about you, and have the clear understanding of your own capabilities, then you are going to look for the same in the other person. Everyone is so clear of their own needs and so nothing in this world is going to make them feel that they don’t know this person and satisfying their needs is not a difficult task, but just what they need is the power to come out of their shell and understand that satisfying the others ego is what needs to be done, and thence do it. An ego plays a major barricade in this case and thus should be kept aside, come what may. Elation simply follows this simple rule and nothing would stop you to really love the person.

A fear also erupts in the third case, when you know your own ugly face that you have hidden from the world, and on finding an alter-ego, you just hate them for they reminds you of the wicked soul that you yourself are.

Confused, on what is being just what said? That’s what really happens, when you face an alter-ego and can’t stay aloof, but to know them and to face the bitter truth that what you have been thinking is for your own self, someone right there has the same feeling.

Break the code, your "own" code

This is not about any software code that I am talking about here, for there are much bigger things to discuss when life is standing at a cross-road, than some code of software. What I am talking about here is the “code of life” that we all are living with knowingly, unknowingly.

Putting it across in a software engineer’s language, when you have designed and developed an application, after that all that time that you do is just run the exe file of the same and get the work done, and even you yourself forgets the code which is running underneath. Talking in the layman’s language, when you have learned to do something, decided about certain parameters in life, taken your decisions on how to do a certain job, and then after a certain amount of time, you know that this can be done and steps that you follow comes to you automatically, but the guidelines that you have decided on, can never be recalled.

After a certain point in time, if you need to break those same lines of code, which you now remember nothing of, by just looking at the running exe file, can you really do it? Only some of us face this problem on breaking your own code, and when it happens, let me assure you, it’s not easy and even recalling the protocol that you are following, is a damn tough job.

Now the question is, what can be the plausible cases on why do you have to break your own code? As my understanding says, they can be:
1. When you need change the course of your life.
2. When you are no longer satisfied by your own course, or
3. When you face someone who is exactly like you, and needs to break ‘em in order to survive.

Now what can be the solution for such a problem?

Even one of the famous hindi comics namely “Super Commando Dhruv” ’s version says, when a villain created exactly similar fighters of the comic heroes namely “Super Commando Dhruv”, “Dhananjay” & “Zhingalu”, it was quite impossible for the heroes to win. On fighting with them Dhruv realizes that they can’t beat them for they know all of their tactics, and this fight will go infinitely. So to beat their own self, they have to change the fighting partners amongst themselves and hence move ahead.
But this is not a possibility in life, for a change of partners is not possible when you are the only one fighting your own fight.



A tough fight lies ahead of you in such a case, and is there anything you can do? I am leaving you with this question, for I myself am finding an answer.

Shades of Life (The Third Color)

Dream Big or Get Real: A Question or an Answer?




You can be what you want to be? or You are what you are?

As people say, Dreams are the Image of your soul, but is dreaming big what really that everybody's soul says? Or is it just what people tend to keep in front of them, to survive in the current scenario or the current competition in the market. Dreaming big can just be perceived as something that can be viewed as a challenge, that you keep in front of yourself and hence try to live up to it.


But on the Contrary, if your soul doesn't align with the Dream that you have kept for yourself, will you really be able to achieve it? And will that really be a fair deal playing with what you really want to be and what you are really here for? What capabilities that you really have and something that are you trying to achieve, just because of the fear of being left behind and defying your real capabilities.

These correspond to some of the questions that I have for myself from some time. This in a way shows the juggles that my mind goes through at times, and if you ask me what conclusions I have reached so far, I would say, if any conclusions I would have reached at, I wouldn't have been writing this.

Now days the most frequent sight that I have of others, and even at times of myself relates to the fact that we don't do things that what we really need to, or what we really want to, but rather do, what other wants or others think is important. Girls want to wear skirts because that is in fashion. Boys want Super bikes because they show them as powerful. But how good is it and how far can it really take you? Why don't we think what we really need, and try to achieve that than just following others lead.


Life gives you windows of opportunity on what you deserve to be, and what you have to be. Grabbing that will make you follow your own path but people tend to decline those opportunities and follow others and do what they ask of them. This leads to utter confusion in your inner self and hence creates an imbalance and makes you unstable and unhappy.

Shades of Life (Color second)

In the “Cup of Life”, here again another aspect that we will see is the “Values”. These are not the moral values that I am talking about here, but rather just inherent and the innate ones that I see a more important part of.
Values are nothing but some stable points of reference that one creates for himself. These are the points which define something you can do and something that you can never do.

Values are something which is desired or is desirable by you and by the ones closer to you. Point to be noted here is that values have got to do nothing with the expectations that others have of you but rather is an expression of what you want to show yourself as. Values simply imply the perception that you want/expect people to have of you.

When values are the centre that you revolve around and someone or you yourself mess with those values, where do you believe you will find yourself for any decision making or any crisis situation that you further on face. What will you turn to, for support? Values are something inherent to you an absence of which brings about nothing but your downfall. And the worst part comes, when at such a time you find yourself in a company who instead of pulling you back on track has the capability to throw you out of your own system. Finding yourself in such a situation, makes your life go haywire and estimating the damage is what you are left with for the whole of your life and trying to minimize it or to get to rid of it is a dream that you are going to carry on for long.

Values people say is something that you can never change, but I completely disagree for the fact that when it is something of your own you can always play with it, for good or for worse, that is for you to make it. But handle with care is a caution with a capital C.

A moment of Happiness

It is what I would define as something that pulls us out of our state of normal idiosyncrasy and puts us in a state of belief where we believe that Life is so good, or I am so lucky, or I am the best on this planet Earth, or I am the chosen one of God. That is the only moment when we do not tend to think that “Why me?” and then, suddenly we think otherwise because that moment was just a moment and now it’s gone. This thought is what this whole topic is all about.

Why a moment of happiness doesn’t last long? Why it is that good things have a short life? Is this because life is basically bitter or is it just that we don’t realize good things as good until they are gone? or they are just to end and then crib and cry over it. It may be anything but the general and public opinion stand still that “Happiness is just for a moment”; though its memories last but the real moment is gone even before we know it came.

Did you ever think about what are good things in life? Good things, I would state them to be something which is healthy for us; healthy in the physical, emotional, psychological sense. Can you think of anything which is sweet and which is good? Can any such thing really exist? As a matter of fact, nothing really sweet exists which is good for us in any way. For instance, Bitter gourd, a very nutritious thing for health, is named over something we all try to stay away from, “Bitter”. Another thing that I can simply talk about is Turmeric, when taken with a medicinal value is also bitter. So does that mean that all good things are bitter? Has nature made them so?


Now what do we do, stay healthy or stay sweet. Is there nothing we can do to get both? Is this simply a choice for us to choose either from pain (referred to as bitter here) or a happiness (referred to as sweet). So in general life, what we tend to choose is a very personal opinion though most take up the sweet thing as soon as we see it. May be, the next time I see it, I am gonna stay away. Or I am gonna shout, Leave me the way I am. I do not seek your mercy. I seek no one’s mercy. People say, “If everything is going right, then you are on the wrong path” but I wanna ask, Why? Why can’t an easier path be the right path? Why is it that only the tough paths are supposed to be the right ones?

For all the problems that we face, Society tells us, whatever happens, happens for good. That I believe is just a consolation prize that we get for we could not get what we wanted; something just to play with so that either we can blame some part of it on God or to wait for something good to happen to us. But should we really wait for something good to happen or should we create our own path..


Whatever it is, Life is not going the way you are going. Take your own path and let the life follow you.



PS: When I come to think of this blog, there are more questions than answers, but that’s what life has offered us. More questions for the last question that we have found the answer to.

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Shades of Life (The First Color)

Life we all know is a coalesce of sips with a blend of a zillion flavors per sip. A flavor is introduced to that cup by every change in our environment, the environment that consists of again an unaccountable factors and most of all, our own decisions. Any decision that we take at a cross-road decides what flavors be introduced to the cup which we are going to taste for the rest of our lives.

In the First sip, let’s talk about the strongest aspect of our lives. Something that make us what we are and build us what we want to be i.e. the THOUGHT PROCESS.


A human thought process revolves around each and every major and minor decision of our lives. Even if we take a single step, there lies a thought process behind it. Now each and every move, each and every step doesn’t fall right, as things intend to go wrong, for we are not perfect and we ought not to be. About every failed decision, we say something like, “I should have thought about it”. But why didn’t we? It’s not that we didn’t actually, but just that our Thought Process didn’t go right or was not enough.




Analysis or thought process goes about in certain steps for 95% of the people and the rest 5% people either are Innovators or are dawdlers. This involves steps such as problem break-down, alternatives, & solution at the core but may includes a series of steps such as changing the solution path as dynamically as possible, forecasting the result and changing the move, and on and on. These are very strong part of the Thought Process but still not the strongest which is nothing but your own experiences..


An experience that your thought process has gathered act as the strongest learning that it can have as a resource. This drives the current and all the other decisions that it takes in the future. The better the learning that your thought process can have, the better it becomes. These parameters decide your success or failure in your thought process and thence in decision making.

Shades of Life

Life we all know is a coalesce of shades with a blend of a zillion colors per shades. A shade is introduced to that range by every change in our environment, the environment that consists of again an unaccountable factors and most of all, our own decisions. Any decision that we take at a cross-road decides what flavors be introduced to the shades of life which we are going to see for the rest of our lives.

The colors that we are going to see in the series "Shades of Life" talks about the most common aspect which we live and go through on a regular basis but still are unable to understand and decode what it actually tries to make us understand, and also leads us to acquiring the information which we were actually supposed to get.

Thus we get lost in translation and hence are unable to reap the benefit of the situation that we otherwise should have.

Satyam Fraud: Caught in the rye

The Fiasco started from the time when the .dotCom bubble bursted around the oncoming of this century and Satyam acquired a company IndiaWorld which was overpriced and the Satyam had to fudge with the Account books to show it in good health and thus show Satyam’s action to be still a trustable one.

Since that year in 2000, this kept on happening year on year with the display of false pricing of land by overpricing it to an extent which could cover their fake data year on year until last month when Satyam tried to finish it for once and for all.

For clearing the fudged books, what a company like Satyam could think of was to acquire another company which could be evaluated at the same level of the frauds and they don’t have to pay a thing. But who possible give them his company without taking any money of the evaluation as huge as 7000 crores. It could be nothing more than a home firm started just for the same purpose and it was named as nothing else the inverse of the name Satyam i.e. Satyam spelled backwards and it makes Maytas.

But if everything could have gone as planned, I wouldn’t have been writing this and it actually didn’t. To cover the 7000 crore gap in their accounts, they had to inflate the evaluation of the Maytas to the same which didn’t feel right to the Board of Members of the Satyam and other major share holders. This somehow brought the whole plan of the Satyam on the front and the brought the great fall of the India’s one of the major IT industries leaving behind 50,000 employees stranded nowhere and their families.

NEVER FORGET

Dreams ask me why I am in the sky
I say, thats where you wanted me to be
They ask, Why you are the only one here
I say, this is a place for the best and that's me.



I say, I am successful And on top
Where you wanted me to be
Dreams say, you are all alone
And the worse you could be

Dreams ask me, when will I go back
Far-Far to ground, of what nothing they can see
I ask him, y u wanna go back
They've nothing there for you
For whatever you are gonna need
I have all the money there for you

Money I agree is all you have
But the time to spend is all you lack
Buy with some of the money you go
Some peace & love if you know


Love I say is long lost gone
Peace I say, I have never known
Where can I find them you tell me
I'm depressed you help me

Help they say is what you deserve to get
For that you have to go far far back
There, love and peace will all you get
And you'll get some friends, whom you'll never forget.

A comment on the written text and the writing style is every Authors right. So please honour me with the same..

Its not the end..

....

An eye turns on me

And I behold that look,

But my smile fades away

For that face has a question

A question that I could understand

But I am not ready to accept,

For life is not simple and not acceptable

But rather is still understandable

Her eyes tells me to leave,

To leave right away;

For she has oceans in her eyes,

Which are hard to behold.

The day is such,

That I wanna grant her wish;

But my inside wont agree,

If I wont see it with my own eyes.

A pair of lips on hers,

After vows from the two;

With cheers all around,

And just knots in my stomach.

Back home I came,

With emptiness all around;

Cheers astounding in my ears,

And her looks in my mind.

Life is not simple,

And now its not even understandable;

For this is the end,

And its not ok after all…

A comment on the written text and the writing style is every Authors right. So please honour me with the same..

Without Ticket

I believe there are no losers or winners in life, rather there are those who will survive the hardships when life's gonna test them and those who will not? This question became the real motive behind this blog.

This journey is about a short travel in the the General Compartment of the Express train which I had to take up in a hurry. So there I was where I could not believe myself to be, the General compartment. But the things changed, on entering that compartment and coming out of it, there was a totally different person, a different me.

On entering that compartment, I had a thought that this is gonna be excruciating and that too for 3 and half hours. That summer night with the hot breeze blowing through, makes my move tougher still. Entering that compartment was like the toughest job as people are hanging on doors and you have a feeling that even you are gonna be one of them. I thought of backing off and going to the Sleepers compartment but simply the thought that you don't even have the ticket, leave alone the reservation to show it to the TC as time didn't permit me to buy one. So no choice, you have to live with it for now and enter this compartment quick, come what may!!!

As I push my way through the door to enter what then seems to me like worse then hell, but the Hell that I am ready to embrace as for now. I enter that compartment and I see about 7 people sitting in front of the toilets and 2 of them are even sleeping with one's head under the sink stacked with the Sink-pipe. By this time I also could sense the strange odor that was coming from the toilet side or from all the sides and I can sense it so cleanly that it hardly matters from which side it was coming. But that is not the worst part but rather just the beginning, as I have entered but am still only at the door and have no way to go deeper as their is no way to pass for everyone is sitting on the pathway as well. Standing there for all this time, I think I am able to think in their terms too, so somewhat inside I could see some place for me. Settling there in that place where 2 people were sleeping and I was sitting in the little place that was there besides the guys legs who was messy and was one of the kinds from which I would keep a distance from any situation that I may ever face. And not just this, there was an amazing shoe rack there and it was nothing else than the fun overhead and on it, there were a lot of shoes belonging to people throwing some dirt on all or at least seems so.

Getting Frustrated sitting there in that smell and amongst so many people, I felt an urge to fag but I could not even think so, as smoking in such a crowded place would not really be a good thing to do. But then from somewhere a cigarette came and the people sitting in front of me started smoking. I thought, if he can, y can't I? So I pulled out a stick and started to fag. In some time a guy was pointing towards my packet and I had difficulty to understand what he was trying to say at first but then I understood that he was asking for a cigarette. But when he came to know that it was the costlier one, he declined to take it but when I gave it to him he forced me to take the money for it. I succeeded in making him understand that it didn't matter but understood for myself that they really had a self. This guy tried to give me the little money and there was this guy in college who borrowed money for a gift for his gf but declined to give it back even when I aksed for it and started abusing me. And then we say these people didn't have shame. Is it really that these people have no shame or in spite, the blamers are the real culprits.

We tend to say they are the losers in life. But on entering the train when I saw people mainly in their vests and shorts and with me completely dressed, I was looking like a looser for not understanding the simple fact that its summers. And so afraid of my own body that i am scared of so many things, against which I believe that these people love their bodies and even we should, in spite of looking at little immaterial deformities. At times we are completely dressed and still we have a question that we are properly dressed and look at these people they are hardly wearing anything and are still so confident that there is no one better then them.

We think we are the confident lot, but are we really so? Even in those conditions when i am cursing the crazy lot I could see smiles on their faces here and there and that made me feel like a looser still. About 27 people were sitting in the place for 8 and still sitting there like a king. They dont need their space, rather just the space they need. At times we say in feud with them "inke muh lagne ka kya fayda.!!" With that are we really showing our strength or rather weakness? What are we scared of, loosing something? What really? They are simply living the same life as we do and still we have more to loose? Or is it actually we are the weaker lot? Truth is yet and is hard to find.

On the gloomy side I believe that these people have greater living spirit than what we people do and we are the cursing lot who curse others for all the mishaps that came to our lives. We are those who are sitting in our a/c cars and cursing the traffic. They are not the ones who curse rather get cursed. We blame traffic and these guys are also in the same traffic travelling with the sun straight over their head or worse walking and we are the ones cursing traffic. So who do you think is sturdy and who is gonna stay?

The base I believe of all this i believe is the very fact that the people who had not faced any hardships know nothing and have the power to face nothing. They depend on things & people around for support and their care and not gonna survive when are left alone. The people who can't stand up for themselves can stand up for nothing. And they are the real losers in the end.

During that travel, I had a question who is the winner and who is not. I could not find the answer to this question and I believe i never can but what I can only say is, these are the people with the zeal to live and power to survive, and thats what i believe really matters.

This journey began from this very fact "without ticket" but I never knew this has really the power to be "A journey of a lifetime".

Lost by 4 Days....Version 1.Dil

Lost by 4 Days

A New story coming from my own life, its not a fiction as my past life stories available on my web-pages. As might be suggested by the name, it is not a story about loosing a cricket game, its not about loosing a project or a business deal, not even about falling short of a certain goal but about loosing in simple affair of Life.

This affair can be seen in your day to day life but the way it has happened with me, that is unusual. This event turned me upside down. I am not dis-heartened because i lost it as loosing and winning in life continues but rather because i lost it by “4 days”. Or in other words, i should say that there is no winning or loosing in these things but still it hurts.

So the story goes here.....

It started a few weeks back, when i met a girl online. We started chatting a lot and then exchanged mobile phone no's. Talking a lot about each other everyday. How was our lives, how we want them to be and many other questions about life. I was beginning to feel so comfortable with and around her. Don't begin to feel, that we have seen each other. We are still unknown, looks wise(although exchanged pics a a week back) but we know a each other much better than those who know us otherwise. And in some time, it started making me feel that she is an amazing girl that i met. She is a great friend of mine and I am a great friend of hers too. Whether there can be anything more between us or not, i never thought of any such possibilities.

Until one day, when we started talking on phone at around midnight and went on for a few hours. What the context of that days call was nothing more than but a feeling that we are so much alike and so much more would be if we spend a little more time together and try to come closer for each other and to know each other. Nothing was particular or clear and I was afraid as well, to make it so. So decided to wait for some time before i tell her that.

3-4 days after that, we were talking again about the same thing, and some thought came to my mind and i decided that i should tell her right now. So i did. She gave a long pause... then she replied. Her answer was something strange, and i am never the same again.

She said to me, “I would have, if you would have asked me 4 days back”. I was broken and made a little more effort to convince her but just felt its of no use. Not because of any other reason but just because forcing a relation has no meaning for me. People call me stubborn but don't understand that, i do it only with those, whom i think i have a right on.

Whatever,

So there can be a few morals of the story

• Never wait for anything
• Girls are just a mad creature that can do anything at any point of time.

It started with in a totally spurious way and has ended in the same way, with me just left amazed. Still thinking about it, “butterflies roll in my stomach”. But there is nothing i can do.

I was dumbstruck with what has happened and couldn't believe what she said. And right now, the only feeling I am left with is “I Lost by 4 Days”

Originally Posted: July, 2006

Reminiscing Dude (A Story Untold)

Reminiscing Dude

A Story Untold…



My story goes back to the day when a shy, soft-spoken guy- a guy who has just completed his 18th year and had excitedly stepped into adulthood, walked into the university for the first time. University was a whole new place for him as he expected and he came here to learn something, but what he was going to learn, he never knew.

As he looked around, full of anticipation, the first thing he noticed were the hep flamboyant dudes in their branded outfits chilling out with divine beauties on the most amazing road scorchers (read- automobiles!) Not flustered he moved on, his eyes full of dreams and his heart full of hope. He expected to become a great guy with a bright future and of course prove to be a great kid to his parents. There was a lot he wanted to achieve but he never knew what lay ahead of him in the coming few years.

He was a guy who liked watching movies, roaming around and much more… and le behold! He is none other than me!!

And now slowly his life at the university unfolds…chapter by chapter…

After a few days of my entering the university, I met a girl. I’m definitely not a guy who believes in love at the first site but surely one who likes to know people. After meeting her I felt like there was a strong connection between us. But I still kept meeting the girl without disclosing my true feeling.

Chapter 1: Fear that Vanished!!!

I was undergoing a new thing called “PDP i.e. Personality Development Programme” which was just a civilized name for “Ragging”. And also a secret name to call fresher to their rooms. But this was a nightmare for me. My Heart pounds hard at the first sound of the word “hey, fresher!” and turns to attack by the end of the phrase. Department ragging and hostel ragging for the outsiders which was even wwas there. Oh sorry!! PDP (if any of the seniors hear this, they will kill me) was the worst thing, worse than the department ragging that I had to face. There were activities from mental to physical to sexual that we have to do in front of those perverts. And even offering of alcoholic drinks, the one thing I hated the most. But one thing best about all this was the feeling of unanimity among the fellow fresher and the turning of this shy guy into an open person.

Chapter 2: Burn the Midnight oil???

In this manner 5 months passed and then came the first semester exams. These were the worst prepared exams of my life. Collecting notes the evening before the exam and studying at my friends house, just the night before the exam were my best and the worst experience. Worst because there was a feeling of guilt on the part of the good guy inside me and best because I never enjoyed my exams so much before. From staying awake the entire night talking to friends, to the laughter to ease our study load, to the coffee that I would volunteer to make, those were unforgettable nights. I called myself the best coffee maker not realizing the fact that sometimes I misjudged the amount of coffee to be put in. And my misjudgment was always on the higher side and my friends had to bear the consequences with gastro problems. But whatever, I still know that they had fun too.

Chapter 3: The Vodka – resolution../ Vodka ‘n’ new year…

Here comes the first major experience of my life “The New Years Eve”. We were 5 guys who first roamed around here and there in Chandigarh trying our best for entry into the clubs but didn’t get any. So, we planned to go to a place called ‘Perch Dam’ for the Eve. I had no idea about the place but my adventurous side told me that no matter what we’d have fun anyways. We picked up some stuff to eat on the way and not to miss, a bottle of Vodka. We were passed through some villages and some farmlands and then a ‘black cat’ crossed our way. We just laughed it off cracking jokes on each other with the fact that what worse could happen after our totally screwed up exams. Suddenly, I heard some screams and shouts from the front seat and I realized that we had fallen into a huge pit after the broken bridge. The rear wheels of the car were what we were hanging by. But please don’t worry, no one was hurt or injured else this story wouldn’t have been so amusing for me to share with you! Anyways, we somehow pulled ourselves out but the car was still hanging to the bridge. Two of my friends went to bring some help and they came back with a tractor and some village people. We were out of the pit in sometime and it was half an hour to go for the Eve. We enthusiastically moved further forgetting what had just happened and reached a totally dark place with closed gates. But, it didn’t feel so bad after we all poured some Vodka and started drinking after raising a Toast to the New Year. This was the first time I drank with an awesome start.

I, of course, continued drinking occasionally, although the occasions were fake most of the time but I still call myself an ‘occasional drinker’.

Chapter 4: From Denice to Devdas

My results for the first semester showed that I had barely passed, but I was happy because I knew, I didn’t even deserve to pass. In the meanwhile, I started going out with the girl more often and started liking her a lot and deep in my heart I knew that she also liked me. We would hold hands for hours without realizing how time flew by. My friends pumped me and told me that if I didn’t confess my love the girl would go for someone else. So I decided to propose her but thought I needed time to prepare before that. So I started planning but before I could plan properly, I proposed…now I know why they say patience is an important virtue. But she cleanly said ‘no’ and clarified that we were just friends. I saw my dreams shattering in a manner worse than glass and it was then that I understood the real essence of the movie ‘Devdas’. And then my friends made me realize that she was just flirting with me

I knew no rules of the game but promised myself never to fall into the same trap again.

Chapter 5: Visit to a …………. :-(

Then came the workshop days when we just had to go for work for around 2 hours a day and spend the rest of the day getting bored and doing nothing at all. In those days, one night as I was about to slide into deep slumber, somebody knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to go downstream, to a place in the hills. “Tafri” was one thing that I was always ready for, so I agreed.

In an hour, we were on our way up hill. And while on our way we talked only about getting drunk. Finally we just decided to stop on the way to have a drink. We were talking peacefully to each other but as usual, our peace makes other people uneasy, worse did happen again. A vehicle first crossed us, but soon turned back and came to us, and we met our worst nightmare… it was a Police Jeep. Police Constables came running and picked up our glasses. After smelling them they rounded us to the police station. Shit scared we played along. And eventually we ended up giving a huge bribe to save our asses. But we were relieved and decided to finish our drinks in the univ only. Now we didn’t have glasses and it was so late in the evening that no shop was open either. To our luck, a marriage was going on in the campus so we did what was only natural… we gate crashed, picked up the cold drinks and came out with the glasses only to end up drinking in the chemical ground with a group of mosquitoes.

In this manner, a year passed. This is not all that happened but this is what was the most important of what I recalled. And considering the fact that I have trouble remembering my subjects, my remembering all this, is huge for me!

Chapter 6: Midnight Madness/Midnight Mania..

Then came the second year. A new semester, a new life and a bunch of new experiences.

Yes friends this was the flirting time. Juniors came and seniors flirted with them in the daytime, all in the name of ragging.

This Session started in July and soon after its start, it was my B’Day. I, along with some friends, decided to throw a Party at a Disc “Cyanide”. The Music and DJ system were amazing there but provision for Air Conditioning wasn’t that great. Now you can understand in the month of July a DP in a place without AC, awful but the party managed to be fun somehow. Not to forget, the presents that we got from the hostellers. One of us got women’s lingerie, just because he had some Jockey babes pinned up on the wall in his room. One got a pack of condoms as he had just started going out with a girl, and the gift was a good luck present for him. One of us got a bottle of petrol as his vehicle never had petrol! And an honest confession here – the first gift was for none other than the little old me!!!

And the same night, a little after midnight, there was knock on my room door, and voila! We were on our way to Chail. A nice place I must say but very wrong planning and timing. We were damn tired and a drive in the Himalayas in the midnight! That was huge! And not to my amazement, we all were sleeping in the chai wala’s hut in chail that morning. And now you have a question about the morning emergencies. We did it like Maharaja’s. I am damn serious about what I am saying. We all did it one by one in a Palace in Chail and had to run from there after that. And as there was nothing much to see there and there weren’t many trekking freaks out there with me so we just about managed to see the “Highest Cricket Stadium in the world” and a few other places that we could cover on bikes and then rode back.

In the mean time, my love life was beginning to blossom again!! I was getting close to 2 junior girls in the college. Out of the 2 junior girls, I had a crush on one but the other used to be with her all the time.

And I don’t know what the hell happens with me but when I’ m hitting on one, her friend surely has to have a crush on me. Sigh!!!!

This girl’s story doesn’t end here but neither did actually happen with her after this.

There were 2 junior guys I became good friends with. I used to rag them but save them from being sent into processions during elections but one of them came out to be a thief and was beaten and chucked out of the hostel. I built a great bonding with the other, who also became my room partner later on.

Chapter 7: Jail House Shocks/ Me.. an emergency Dealer

College days were going on in the same monotonous fashion, so 6 of us planned to go to Kasauli. 3 couples in all, one of them was going around but we 4 were just good friends. We all left in the morning and were having fun on the way. The official couple planned to have lunch in a restaurant on the way and the others opted not to disturb them, so decided to take a leave and go up to Kasauli. But what was on the way, we never knew.

We were just about to take a turn towards Kasauli from the Shimla-Chd highway when I looked back to see that my friend was stopped by Police. I went back for his rescue but as I could have never imagined, I had to see the police station and the torture rooms from inside in true life that day and that too for no fault of ours. It was just ‘coz we were hanging out with girls and that was a crime for them. But we were all cool as we knew they just wanted bribe from us but when the policemen talked about calling up the girl’s parents, the girls panicked and burst into tears. This made that situation pretty rough to handle. But we managed to pacify the girls and talk man to man with the cops. And to my amazement, I discovered that I was a damn good negotiator as I managed to bring the bribe down to Rs.500 from Rs.5000. That was an amazing but haunting experience for all 4 of us. We preferred not to talk about it for years but now when we look back, we laugh on it lots!

Chapter 8: The First Kiss

A few days later, I got close to a girl, became amazing friends and a proposal was popped to me from her. But since I was never really into her and took her just as a friend, (though, I definitely liked her company a lot but never did feel like romantic about her) so I said NO. You must have heard, “Fear of losing a friend, makes u fall in love with them”, the same thing happened with me Trying to console her, I fell for her. And I still can say that it is till date the most amazing experience of my life. She gave my life all flavors, of being loved, being wanted, being respected, being cared about, being detested and also of jealousy and possessiveness that I never admitted but it was there.

Anyways, as I had said ‘no’ to her earlier, I had to get back to her. While on a trip to IIT Delhi, I had a nice opportunity to spend time with her and tell her how I felt. But as we were together in a group, so I couldn’t say much. The time there also passed by quickly. And then came the last night at Delhi, I was all drunk but conscious enough. We were sitting in Nescafe that I still call the ‘sacred’ place and I proposed to her. She accepted and I kissed the first Girl of my life. Thereafter we had great fun together. Bunking classes and going on dates was a regular routine. But other routines were also being followed with same passion.

Chapter 9: Exam mania!/ Routine Madness

In this time I shifted with the junior friend of mine. During the 3rd Sem exams. Me, my room partner, and another friend of mine had a nice routine. If you were thinking this to be the study routine, then you are insulting each one of us. It was a routine of having Aroma’s Ice-Cream Sundae at roughly around 3 in the morning and that too in the month of December during exams. Mind it, this was the routine that me and my friends abided the most in our lives. Not to forget we also shop-lifted a cake once and as we didn’t have patience we ate it all near Kiran Theatre. But later on we didn’t have to shop-lift, rather a tip to the waiter would get us packed anything we want, for free. Anyways the exams went fine and not bad as the earlier ones. But still too dicey as the Engg. exams generally are.

Chapter 11: Love is in the air!/Good Old Days of Love

The semester coming to an end, we had a great event lined up – The Indian Science Congress where me and my girlfriend, along with a bunch of other friends volunteered to work. That was the most amazing time of my life in the Univ Campus. That was the time when Univ was decorated like a Bride and I had just started going around and the icing on the cake was the lovely winter season, my favourite time of the year. So it was like all the best in this world coagulated around for me and I had whatever I could possibly wish for.

Life was pure bliss! Nothing imaginable could go wrong. Then in the beginning of the 4th sem, I went on a college Trip to Nainital ‘n’ Corbett National Park. That trip is still as fresh ‘coz of the lovely memories of those morning talks, those long walks, that quality time I spent with her. Yes, you are right, she was with me on this trip, may be that’s why this trip is so memorable.

And in some days I had the only Valentine of my life on which I was not single. So even I had something to do, especially to show someone how much I care, someone to think of and to go find a gift for her and to do something to make her day special.

Chapter 12: The Three Musketeers (V3)/ V3-The Masti Makers

After some time pass training that I did, we planned another college trip in june to manali. We were three close friends (The V3) looking out for something that everyone there looks out for on reaching Manali. It’s nothing but the ‘Hippy Party’ people. We had heard about it from a friend of ours, and after a long futile search we finally came across an auto wala who told us about the party and its location but also said that it usually starts late in the night and is very risky. V3 were ready to take any risk, so after leaving our other friends in the market we went on to catch a quick nap before the long ‘partying’ night. We woke up around midnight and moved out towards the main market. We met an auto wala who demanded 500 bucks for leaving us there. We thought he was out of his mind so we tried others but no one else knew about the party so eventually we had to hire him. We were asked to carry a torch along. The reason you will understand soon. V3 followed his advice and went back to hotel with him to grab some more money and a torch.

He then left us at a place which was pitch dark and he told us that we had to trek from there following the tissue papers. We thought he was making a fool of us but had no choice than to nod and follow. It was a moonless night and we did what we were asked to. After a tiring trek of around 2 ½ hours in the total dark, we began to hear some nice music and understood that we were going to get something great. And in another hour we were there. And about that night let’s just say that, THE JUICE WAS WORTH THE SQUEEZE.

That morning after the party, we returned in a truck ’coz of unavailability of any other vehicle and after that I could never laugh on Saif’s pillow story in ‘Dil Chahta Hai’. That trip also had some other experiences like a bonfire, after river rafting, on ‘river side’ while feeling the gentle breeze on our faces, and lots more.

Chapter 13: Jumping Doodle/ Denice the menace

It’s 5th semester. I never recognized the early signs but me and my gf was parting ways. We were going through severe fights followed by long spells of not talking to each other. Slowly the spells became so long that I sometimes feel that we just met to fight so that we could have a reason not to talk again.

This is end of semester i.e. the exam time. Let me ask you a question. What do u do, if you have a gap of 8 days between your second last and the last exam? You relax, have fun, watch a movie and so on. But do u ever think about jumping out of the balcony? You say ‘no’ but this is what one of my closest friends decided to do. But of course, the consequences were huge, 5 fractures. My friend’s nephew, still asks him the reason and I just wanna say, please tell me the reason for this ‘madness’ too.

Chapter 14: The ‘Booze Trip’

This was the beginning of 2005; I went on a college trip again. This time to Bombay-Goa. Me and another friend of mine joined the others on this trip at Bhopal, after a visit to Indore. And I bet I saw and felt some amazing things there in MP.

If I would want to rename that trip, I would name it “The Booze Trip” coz that’s all that we did on that trip. In Bombay one night we 3 people drank around 13 bottles of beer with individuals no of 5,5,3 with me having consumed the highest no. I am still amazed as to where all that alcohol went , but my belly says ‘here’. And in Goa if you get water for Rs 15 and Vodka for Rs 7! What would you prefer? Do I hear Vodka? Yeah, we concur. Don’t we?

Beer in breakfast, vodka in lunch, Tequila and whisky in dinner and wine in-between with the view of some amazing beaches, and nudity. Can a man ask for anything more??? I know I can’t.

Chapter 15: The Worst Nightmare

The beginning of a new semester, the 6th Sem. My girlfriend and I finally broke up in the month of February, ironically called the month of love.

I engrossed myself in work and became friends with the best people I know. That’s the jumping guy and a laughing gal. I don’t remember when I got to know them but whenever it was, it must have been the best moment of my life. Both can laugh on anything, and make me laugh on it too, turning the toughest task into an easy one. These two people have the power to pull me out of any state of distress or grief. We have the loudest laughter around here so If you can hear laughter but couldn’t see anyone, it must be us, you just have to find where?

One day a couple of friends of mine pointed out my beer belly to me. Agreeing with them I planned to go for a jog regularly. My first day of jogging, the weather was pleasant and I picked a friend of mine for company. But his feet started paining in some time so we decided to sit. There we have nice green benches in the way. As I am stepping up the bench stairs I suddenly feel am in the air, flying. Its isn’t a dream. I wish it would have been. But in a sec, after shouting words like Oh F***! Oh S***! A couple of times, I am lying on the ground with mixed emotions. Am I all right or am I screwed up? I tried to stand up but realized that aah…. m fucked. But then we went to PGI and I came to know I broke my ankle cup.

Anyways, I had to be operated and fitted up with screws and wires but am just thankful to all my friends who have been there to help. Still I had to experience crutches and other supports for a period of 4 months because of this.

Then came the placement days. I was clueless about what a company looks for in people they recruit. So I went about the placements only prepared for tests and not for the interview at all. After facing initial failures and feeling the real heat for jobs or what can be termed as “The early struggles for a good career”, I got placed in a good company.

Now came the end of the 6th semester. During the exams, in fact the night before my last exam, I received a call asking for help as my 2nd year room partner and another guy had met with an accident and were in PGI. I rushed there and after some time of yelling at the doctor, learnt that my ex-roomie had passed away. I was devastated and standing beside his dead body I realized that there is someone still above all of us, which controls everything around.

Chapter 16: The Journey Unknown

Having been placed, college life became a total time pass- whiling away time sitting on the stairs whole day, roaming around here and there, going on girl hunts, flirting whenever I got a chance. My MBA entrance test results showed no success and neither did my flirting. I am still single but definitely not shy-natured anymore. I don’t know what lies ahead but the last four years of my life have been hectic but worthwhile. Memories that I would cherish for life!!

People ask me the reason for the heading. I just have to say that this story was not to be told, but it has been, so now it becomes ‘A Story Untold’